just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
