THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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