I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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