i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
