Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
