Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
