did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize