I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
