my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
