I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
