there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
