the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
