meet me or not, i'm out of control
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
