At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
