I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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