What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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