Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
