So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
