I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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