I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
