Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
