The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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