I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
