I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We don't watch enough power rangers
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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