it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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