I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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