oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
They took my balls.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just high enough for therapy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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