i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
