you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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