i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
