mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
