there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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