I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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