i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
