I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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