if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I look better un-naked...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
