True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
smell my finger.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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