You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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