I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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