summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
