Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
