$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
