your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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