I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
