david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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