I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
