i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
