Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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