I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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