Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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