I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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