Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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