after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
