i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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