so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
