M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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