is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
