He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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