ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
