I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
