using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
