I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Rumble strips road head = magical
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
