We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
