Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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