god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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