dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i out mim tonsoeep
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