and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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