That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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