Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
