cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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