just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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