if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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