Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
