I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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