I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
