Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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