those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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