proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
not ubering you a puppy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
