I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He called his prostate his "boner button".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
