i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
