I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
